I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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