This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
