you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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