He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
