Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
