I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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