She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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