I just pynch a tree in the face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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