i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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