If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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