There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
