I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
