17 year olds will be the death of me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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