we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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