Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
