I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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