FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
