He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
