thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
