You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
