my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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