It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
