i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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