just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
