My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
