So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
