I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
