I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
