Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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