We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
