Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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