he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
