awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
