a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
