if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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