Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
