from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
