there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
