So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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