So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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