it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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