I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
