yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
