Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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