Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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