so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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