I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
