There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
