One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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