he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
