The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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