you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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