Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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