I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
