omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My cat gives me a boner
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
