He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
