Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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