So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
