I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
