so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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