dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
