i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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