im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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