when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
