Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
