yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Such a big mess for such a small penis
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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