That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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