Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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