what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
