Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
