Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish I could teleport
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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