I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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