You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
