The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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