just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fill condoms, not promises.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
