Me. At least after what I've been through.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
