ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
