I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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