it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
