I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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