I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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